Its about making memories worth repressing
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
