are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
