every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
