what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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