I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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