you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
