Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
