There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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