I think my fart just growled at me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
