She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
