Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
