Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
