this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
