Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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