you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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