if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
