Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
