dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
worst night to have a conscience
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
