also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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