i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
