Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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