I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
