a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Dear god my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
