walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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