I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think your dad took our porno
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
