im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
