**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
