just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drake has all the answers
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
