Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
