I can't watch pbs sober anymore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
