I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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