i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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