The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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