he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
