just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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