I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
