the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drake has all the answers
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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