He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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