if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
