he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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