paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
