"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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