He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
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It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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