its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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