Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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