how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
