You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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