I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
