is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
