margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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