no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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