you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
