i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
