Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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