u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
