A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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