I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
