I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
