sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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