WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
