Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
